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Dating Tips and Advice from Your Uncle Frosty

By Frosty - 08-07-04

Dating is a tough topic, and really can't be covered in a single article, but I will put as much as I can into this for your benefit. The best place to start is hygiene. Really, if you have an odor about you that can kill most livestock just by walking within a hundred feet of you, perhaps you should consider bathing. Cleanliness is important to a lot of females, and how you appear is important. First impressions do make a lasting impression. Just like they always say, you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. A little "smell good" never hurt either. Even if you are really picky, there are a lot of different types of cologne you can get. Some are a bit pricey, but worth the cash, if you like them. They can even be purchased in just about any typical mall. Stores like Hecht's, Kohl's, Sears, and others provide reasonable prices on most of their colognes. Also if you do choose to go the "smell good" route, please do yourself a favor and don't use it to cover up other smells. Usually the outcome is disastrous. You could end up smelling like "the crap of eternity", or like "an old dirty bastard". There are also some guys who haven't quite been taught yet so I will bring it up and save some of you embarrassment in the future. Deodorant is a good idea for most of you, especially if you perspire. Several types - spray on, roll on, heat activated and so on. Oral hygiene is important, especially if you plan on kissing anyone. Nothing like kissing someone and thinking (damn what died in their mouth), so you can avoid that. Besides it might prove to be refreshing to kiss someone with minty breath. A quick tip on kissing, take your time, do it slowly and don't rush, the results will be fantastic.

Next item on the list is.......... the 'drobe. Wardrobe is a reflection of your personality to an extent. They say clothes don't make the man, but in reality the do tell things about the man. Let's face it, if you go on a date wearing that wrinkly t-shirt that with the "I want to touch your ass" logo and the beer stains on it, that you've been wearing for the last 2 weeks without washing, chances are your going to be alone for a good time to come. On the other hand, you don't have to be a male model and wear designer clothes either. Wear clothes that you feel comfortable in, and are somewhat presentable. You never know, your date might want to go get dinner at a nice restaurant. Sometimes you might go to the closet and discover most things don't fit, some stuff is terribly outdated, and you have no room because of the items you don't ever even wear. You know, those clothes hanging up only because you never wear them so they are the only clothes still on hangers in there in the back. Take some time and just try that stuff out. If you don't like it or aren't comfortable in them, put them in a box or a bag and take them to Goodwill, or the Salvation Army. Sometimes it is hard to part with that favorite item you have had for 6 years and it now resembles something worn at a Toga party, after the party is over. As you are parting with it, think about the cool new stuff you can get. There is a lot to be said for new items, aside from not having the same shirt and jeans every single day, it can help give you some flair and edge. Sales are important, but I know a lot of you don't save cash to shop at the off season sales, so just check places that have good clearance sales near the end of the season. Target has pretty nice duds for a reasonable price. Old Navy has nice apparel for good prices as well. You would be amazed at the results a pair of Khaki pants and a nice shirt can do for you. Combine that with a bit of "smell good", and you have a combination that is sure to have a chemical reaction, purely a science.

For all the skaters out there, the skate shoes with the missing area that used to be the skate patch may not be the best to wear on dates. (I know it is a bit of who you are, but sometimes you have to be able to clean up well too, I was a skater for many years. Sometimes hop on a stick and thrash old school. All you 'switchstance kids' out there, that’s pretty damn amazing.) Just get a pair of sneaks that you force yourself not to thrash in. I also know it's hard to resist temptation to grab an innocent noobie’s board and kickflip 180 varial to nose stall - shove it off the planter bricks, but stick to your guns. Socks and underwear - a topic most guys avoid. Understandably so, but still has to be talked about. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. As far as underwear, clean is a must. Turning them inside out for the "extended wear" just isn't gonna fly. Wash those things with lots of bleach, laundry detergent and fabric softener. That's right, I said the "F" word, fabric softener. About $4.00 for a good smelling fabric softener will do for many loads. If you coin wash, as I do, you will also benefit from using the liquid laundry detergent for many reasons.

First, it takes a while for the dry soap to actually dissolve into the water - time eaten up out of your $1.25 wash job. Second, you get those unsightly laundry detergent clumps on you black jeans that takes several washes to get out. They also make containers for the liquid detergent that you can just press the dispenser to pour it into the wash, for the lazy aspect you can just set it above your washer and voila, you’re washin’. Those socks you wear in the mud outside without shoes get really soiled. To remedy this you can either wear shoes, which might detract from your fun of sock surfing after it rains, or just throw them in a bucket of warm water and bleach a few hours before you wash. Then they will come clean when you do wash.

Socks - pulling socks to your knees are a bit out dated, but if that is what you prefer, go for it. They have good ankle socks that go well with many ensembles, and it won't kill you to get a pair or two of dress socks for that casual occasion. You don't have to rush out and buy the dress socks that have dogs or kites on them, but you can get some nice black ones, or even carry it a step farther and get some that match the color of your slacks. New socks are good for you as they fit, and also provide a good source of support. Think about it, you stand and walk a lot of your day. Spend a little on your feet. So far it has been my experience that dressing well goes farther than bumming it all the time, and you don't have to dress up for every date, some dates you can actually bum, just do it with taste.

Even if you're punk far beyond the realm of the mainstream, a new set of clothes often outshines the older ones.

Ties - Most females I have talked to and spent time with think ties are sexy, and in an upcoming poll, I will survey random women for their thoughts on clothing just to illustrate my point. A dress shirt and a tie will go pretty far. If you get a couple of ties, you can make a nice addition to just about any slacks and shirts. I could go for much longer on the clothing issue but I will cut this short as we have some other important items to get to.

Hair - so many different styles and preferences. Long, short, scraggly and many more. I used to have long hair, but long hair just didn't work for me as well as having a shorter clean cut. Seriously, I barely got noticed, but when I cut my hair, I had women following me in stores, and even when I went into the music section that their parents would have bought, they still followed, so there is a lot to be said for a haircut. To have one, even if it is only trimming a half inch off of the length of really long hair, it makes your hair grow, removes dead and split ends, and makes it "behave" better. With somewhat shorter hair you can use some "product", and achieve almost any style. I have tried many different types of hair products. It is important to find what you prefer, and works well. For the ultimate hold you can get "Got 2 B" glue, or "Spikers" hair glue, they are water resistant for that 'get in the swimming pool, swim, then get out with your hair just the way it was before swimming'. Well almost that good. Depending on the amount you use, it can be really hard and definitely take a while to get out, but will also hold up in some tropical storms. Then there is a less obvious looking product by "Paul Mitchell" called sculpting lotion. It is good for giving some hold, but keeping your hair looking dry and natural. "Dep" is a pretty good all around gel, you can spike, washes easily and smells okay. Plus they don't do animal testing if that is important to you. Pomade is an interesting product, gives you shine, and stays wet the whole day. If you prefer stiff hair, this is not the best selection as it actually gets softer throughout the day. If you use "product" often, you should also consider using a conditioner after your shampoo which will help keep your hair from getting into a state of disrepair.

Now that we have the look and smell, the next thing we need to shed some light on is the dwelling. Although you usually don't get to that portion of dating right away, it is still good to have the general ideas in place. Everyone has their own personal taste, but even if you like Dragons and Death, you can decorate 'tastefully'. Just be organized, confine messes to containers. Rubbermaid containers work well, and you can cart them out to the shed or a storage unit with ease. Plus they are vermin proof and keep your stuff dry. If you have stuff that really isn't getting used, you can box it up and store it, sell it, or if you must, keep it laying about. From experience, in your living space, less is most definitely more. The less stuff you have just randomly laying about, the less cluttered it will appear (organization goes a long way). But on the flip side, a balance is definitely needed. With no decorations at all, your place might look fairly institutional. Pictures are a step in a good direction. If you have posters that just don't deserve the poster roll in the closet, get nice frames and hang them. You can get reasonable picture frames and put pictures or art work (all those dragons and such), in the frames, and that covers decoration and gives your place a personal touch. Trash should definitely be taken out, vacuuming once in a while at least helps. That way you can walk across the carpet in your socks without stains and getting stuck or stepping in a pile of who knows what. A little windex, and some paper towels go far toward cleaning up. Although the initial cleaning can suck, after that you can get into a groove and it is much easier to maintain. From then on out, it's the cliché of "clean a little as you go", and you are home free.

For motivation, music and or friends can help in that area. You might also consider getting a house plant such as a philodendron (ivy), they take a beating and abuse, and usually live to tell. They are cheap, or if you know someone with one, you can cut a section of it and place the end you cut into a cup with water. In a little over a week you will see roots beginning to grow. Then you can go get a pot (K-Mart works well for this, they usually have really cheap pots there), and a small bag of potting soil. Get a pot that has a drainage hole in the bottom and a reservoir that catches the run off. If you don't know what this is, just ask someone and they can help you. Put some soil about 2 inches of soil in the bottom, then take your ivy, and put it into the pot. Hold it up, and cover the roots with the soil. Then fill the pot with soil until it is about a half inch below the rim of the pot, while holding up the ivy. Then set the ivy where you want it and water it. You can let the ivy go without water for some time, but when the leaves start to curl and get soft, you should water it. A good unit of measure is about every 2 weeks or even every 3 weeks. Overwatering will kill it. Candles are a good "set the mood" item, especially if you plan to entertain. There are so many to choose from. Scented, shaped, coloured, gel, floating, tapers, pillars, tea lights, and many more. I will go more in depth on this subject in an upcoming column.

Location, location, location......

Where to go, or not go. In the "getting to know you" stage, movies aren't the best, as you can't talk much, and you could go to the movies with just about anyone. Public places are good, as you really don't know the person well yet, and they are safe. Coffee is a good start. Places like Barnes and Nobles, have books and coffee so you can browse while enjoying that latte. Dinners aren't bad, but just a warning there. If you take your date to Hardee's or other fast food for the early dates you might get smacked, or worse, they just might think you are a cheap skate. You can find things to do that don't cost large sums of money, but get you out and about as well. Chivalry isn't dead, and most people actually appreciate it. If you can afford to, think about at least offering to pay. If you do, cool, just doing the polite and gentlemanly thing. I live the Gentlemanly thing. It is work and sometimes takes sacrifices, but a great way to be. You probably will find that your date wants to at least get the tip, or even pay sometimes. Which is nice. True relationships are a partnership, in which both partners work together. Things you can actively do are fun as well. Putt putt, bowling, go karts, walks, and other random outings are good. If you do the dinner thing, things that might not be the best first stages of dating foods are: pizza, spaghetti, soups, and anything else that can be messy like finger foods. Just not the most attractive appearance, and you can do that later in the relationship.

It is important in dating to have an idea of what you are looking for. While it is important to have some common interests, being exactly the same would suck. It would be really boring. Just think of it like the teeth on gears that are supposed to spin together. If the teeth are exactly alike they grind, but if they are even slightly different they will mesh and turn together. You spend a lot of time trying to be someone else, then you spend even longer getting to know the real person you have been dating all that time. Being yourself is important, as your partner will like you for who you are. Honesty is a huge must. Why lie? It will just cause grief later on. Be kind and don't hurt people if you can avoid it. Sometimes you can't but if you can, try to keep from hurting people. If you aren't interested in someone that is interested in you, be nice, but let them know so you don't really hurt them later on after they have become attached to you. Likewise if you are unhappy or are being treated badly, you don't have to stay. I have been there, but there is someone for you out there who wants what you do and will treat you nicely.

I will be doing more articles around this, but if you have questions, just ask. I will try to answer them. The most important thing, have FUN. If it doesn't work out, no big deal, you will find another date later on. They may find you.

Best of luck,






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