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In a Genre Filled with Crap, Prepare for More

By MaximumTacolord - 09-05-06

Halloween is coming and that means horror movies you’ve already seen are going to be re-released only with numbers at the end of the titles and worse acting. Sure, you thought you’ve seen enough chainsaw murdering to feel that seeing it again would be totally unimpressive. Thankfully, Hollywood is going to confirm this belief for you in the near future.

If you hoped to cringe in horror, be prepare yourself as you pay for the ticket or when you look at the movie poster and ask yourself how many times can you see the same guy kill someone as you walk into the theater.

Perhaps you’re asking yourself, just how offensive can you make death become? Well, if the disgruntled writers who’ve yet to create anything of note have anything to do about it. You’ll be walking to the parking lot with your twenty dollar popcorn partially digested and back in the bucket. Granted, you still won’t be scared but being sick is the next best thing. And if just seeing the preview for the movie can make us sick of the genre itself, imagine how bad the movie itself will make our stomach feel!

This is all just a small price, because asking for a new, original, and well acted zombie themed movie is too much to ask for. Sure, we’ve been begging for it for years. But the character whose origins the world forgot requires far more development involving lame plot twists than turning horror into a genre worthy of respect. Who cares if the only movies people wishfully think back on start with a B and involve Bruce Campbell? B-movies don’t have nearly as many hot chicks in their stable to make their sex scenes even rival big budget pictures!

Well America, at least we don’t have to worry about Ben Stiller being in this movie. In fact, they’re probably the only movies he won’t be in.





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