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Serial Killers Protest Negative Portrayal in Media

By MaximumTacolord - 07-31-06

Floods of letters have arrived at our Rail! Studios, many written on flesh with blood, protesting the negative light always put on their lifestyle.

“Axe murderers have always been considered brutal and heartless monsters,” Tony Danza, the Boston Axe Thrower said. “Hollywood producers are always trying to shock the audience even with their home life. But what about samurai? Everyone is always going on about how beautiful it is when they start hacking people into bits, why don’t I get the same privilege? Speaking to “the Eagle” in my television and newspapers isn’t nearly as weird as staring at a wall all day and calling it enlightenment!”

Recently, it’s hard to disagree with these man slayers. You can’t even turn on the television without a law and order spin off calling killing artists madmen, sick, deranged, monsters, or playing god.

“Not every serial killer is playing god. I mean, how can I play myself?” said Mrs. Arere, my old babysitter and first grade teacher. “And several others are just doing my work. They hear me speak to them at night, because I whisper into their dreams.”

“The attacks on our character have many ranges. How many times have you seen a killer only able to orgasm after ripping out an eyeball?” A local ice-cream man said. “I have other ways of getting off; you should see how much porn I have back at my apartment. You’re welcome to see it if you want. In fact, I have some in my truck, why don’t you come in and look?”

Serial killers are preparing to march on NBC unless their demands are met, including replacing the term “morally impaired” with “simply better” and running a pilot show of their home movies. Although NBC has already agreed to give into all demands if they concede rallying near their building, the protesters said they will not be silenced.

“We’re just victims of our time!” said the Bus Stop Strangler. “Just like doctors researching stem cells, nurses who make a thrill kill now and then, or the Romans when they invaded other countries were all thought to be evil at the moment but are later loved. We aren’t evil either; we just haven’t been embraced by history yet.”

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