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Rail! Entertainment > Docs >

Scary Stuff

By MaximumTacolord - 11-05-06

You know what would be scary, if the working class teamed up with the giant lesbians in the sewer. The workers could do what they do best, break things. After they’ve created a ton of holes in the ground, streets, and floors, the lesbians could use them to grab anyone trying to walk by them. It’d be horrible. I can't even use the bathroom without shuddering in fear of the thought of Rosie O'Donnell reaching through the toilet and grabbing my junk, now I won't be able to use a porter potty without crying.

Something else that’s scary is heaven. Think about it, what’s keeping everyone up there? Clouds, one false step and bam, you start falling. Sure, you “might” have wings. But like you’d know how to use them on your first day. Of course, there is the issue with wastes. Have you ever seen a bathroom in heaven? I sure haven’t and why would there be a bathroom there? Public restrooms are mortal danger we all fear on earth. That means the ground is full of poop. Poop and holes. Man, heaven is freaky.

Buddha, that guy creeps me out. He’s always smiling about nothing, man. It doesn’t matter what he does, he’s smiling. And he has so much patience, imagine it, some fat guy sitting outside your house under the apple tree, just waiting and smiling. All day and all night. Just sitting there smiling. I don’t think I’d ever be able to sleep again by the third hour, let alone the third week!

That Santa sucker is messed up too. The great red father who uses this ambiguous fear that he may be watching us to make us behave. Come on, who is this guy, the CIA of children? Doesn't it upset any of our parents that this guy is watching every child in the world? Do you think it helps matters that parents keep trying to tell us he isn’t real. Come on, that’s just what he wants! Imagine it, a man who knows all your moves and you don’t even think he exists. Just the thought of it makes me wet my pants. Also, think about this. If we cooperate with each other, he rewards us with presents by breaking into our home. Just to show us he can. Isn’t cooperation just a tool of communism? Isn't security just some sort of capitalist pipe dream? No wonder those elves are always so short in the cartoons, they’re children! Chinese children!

The scariest thing of all has to be women. First off, they make babies. I have no idea how, just one day they drop a baby. What is up with that? This annoying, crying, pooping machine that will eat up my tax dollars for the next 18 years is just “dropped” by these women. And another thing, whenever I’m around them I get all nervous and sweaty. Like, my body knows they’re up to something. Something evil. Something deadly. What is the government doing to stop them? Sure women are forced to work more hours for less money to stay busy, but shouldn’t the government do more? One of these days, we’re all going to be lying in bed hoping Buddha doesn’t break in our window and then we’ll see it. Our mothers standing over us tucking us in for the night. Permanently…





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