Entertainment > Docs >
Spill Absorber Rabbit!
This is the way a lot of my
articles work out - I see something I think is funny, then I must
show everybody - "Look! I think this is funny! Hey. Where are
I have, in my scanner, the instructions
for a grease spill absorbing powder. I
"found" this ridiculous little gem in a grocery store,
and I giggle every time I glance at it. You must realize, however,
that I am also easily entertained by the stick figures on
"Wet Floor" and "Caution" signs.
Let me get to the point. First of
all, mascots for cleaning products are normally more than happy to
actually use said product. Take for example: Mr. Clean. He's proud
to be mopping and shining floors with such a fine cleaner. That
lady in the Bounty commercials is more than happy to clean up some
clumsy oaf's spilled coffee, or chili - just to demonstrate the
superiority of her paper towels. We get the impression that people
can be happy using a convenient product. Not this guy:
The Spill Magic
"I hate my job. Why can't I just
I commend the artist on being able
to add such realistic emotion to a cartoon character. The first
thing you notice is the frown - he is not very happy about this
spill, or this product. Using the pictures provided, I will
attempt to give a quick profile on the life of our friend, the
Spill Magic Rabbit.
This is one miserable bunny rabbit,
who may have once had dreams, and ambitions, who
then takes a look at his life and realizes he's accomplished nothing.
Life is a pointless lie. He spends his days in captivity cleaning
up grease spills while other people live happily, oblivious to his
pain. As a captive/slave, he earns less than minimum wage. He hates
cleaning up spills (Also, if you look at the above picture and
blur your eyes a little bit, he appears to be unhappily urinating
on the floor).
"I cannot control my bladder. Now
I must clean up my own filth."
I believe he is supposed to be the
rabbit that comes out of a magician's hat (I can tell by the fancy
jacket - also, I am psychic). The magician forces him to CLEAN UP
HIS GREASE SPILLS and HAZARDOUS WASTE, or it's BACK IN THE TOP HAT
YOU FILTHY RODENT. The magician beats him with mop handles and
push brooms. Animal cruelty upon cartoon rabbits is mostly ignored
by the authorities. Someday soon, however, the rabbit will get his
"TA-DA! I'm DRUNK!"
The magician temporarily leaves the
room to torture other animals (Monkeys, parrots, etc.) While he's
gone, the rabbit raids the magician's liquor cabinet, thinking a
few shots might dull the pain. If you blur your eyes again, you
can see the rabbit urinating, this time with a drunken, defiant
look on his face. This look says, "Yeah, I'm peeing on your
floor, Misher Big Shot Magician, and I don't give a ratsh ash.
What are you gonna do about it? Put me back in the hat? I'd
rather be in the hat than looking at your ugly face.."
The rabbit vomits on the floor, then staggers toward the magician
in a threatening manner...
magician kicks him in the butt.
Why do I always have to clean up the
The magician finally forces the
rabbit into submission by stomping its rear. Can't you see the
star by the rabbit's behind (Star = Pain)? The rabbit cowers in
subservience. The kick didn't hurt very much - but his pride is
"Clean up this hazardous
waste, or I will eat you!", the magician says. The rabbit
does what he is told, biding his time for a future rebellion.
"There will come a time when I will be free", thinks the
rabbit. "Mark my words. I will be free - and you will suffer
greatly for your evil deeds".
What of the rabbit's future? Will
he be a servant to the magician for the rest of his life? Will he
escape? It's all up to you! Fill out the poll below to determine
FATE OF THE
RABBIT POLL RESULTS
SAVE THE RABBIT! HIS LIFE IS IN
The choices were:
1. Run away and get a job in Vegas.
2. Find a nice rich girl.
3. Commit suicide.
4. Attack the magician, and stuff him into the "Hazardous
5. Continue his meaningless existence as a servant.
Here are the results of the
The poll only had ONE FREAKING
VOTE, and it was me! God, webmastering sucks. Anyway, according to
the ONE VOTE, the rabbit finds a nice rich girl. I assume
she's kinda hot, and they live happily ever after. The End.
Oh, and the magician dies.